


Raiden can’t be in Smash 4 so he’ll just play it instead

by GaMVrisT



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Video game playing nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 22:13:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5945062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaMVrisT/pseuds/GaMVrisT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Literally a 4-page, 1800+ word fanfic about Raiden and the cyborg assholes of Desperado playing Smash 4. Warning for jokes making fun of Melee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Raiden can’t be in Smash 4 so he’ll just play it instead

“Finalmente… What took you so long, pretty boy?”

Raiden scowled at the mocking tone. There he was; Jetstream Sam. He’d taken away Raiden’s dignity once before, but this time would be different. Raiden had trained hard and gotten stronger just for this moment. The moment they both faced each other in battle again…

“Fuck off, Sam. It’s not easy transporting a whole Wii U here with no help from any of you.”

“Ready for me to wipe the floor with you in Smash yet again, novato?” Sam flashed that stupid grin of his. The one that made Raiden want to ~smash~ his face into the ground.

“No, last time was just luck… You won’t beat me this time, asshole.”

“You deny you main their true purpose, Jack. Time to see if you really have gotten any better. Let’s dance.”

“Excuse moi, but I think that line should be said by the Bayonetta main in the room.” It was Mistal who spoke up this time. “Ready to dance, boys?” She gestured to Monsoon and Sundowner sitting next to her.

Monsoon sat forward, “Now that Jack is finally here, we can begin.” 

Raiden just let out a grumpy sigh as he plugged in the final cords and turned on the Wii U. He barely had time to unravel his Gamecube controller before Sam had already plugged his in and sat down next to him. Last time, Raiden had been completely humiliated by Sam’s Little Mac and a perfectly timed footstool too far off the ledge, leaving Raiden unable to recover and causing his foolish defeat. That lose still left a bitter hunger for revenge in Raiden’s body. No one should ever be disrespected by a Little Mac. No one.

Too deep in thought, Raiden was unaware that Sam had already gotten the match ready and was on the character select screen. The only thing that snapped Raiden back to reality was the spine chilling sound of the announcer screaming “CLOUD”. Cloud? When had Sam picked up Cloud? Why did he pick up Cloud? Oh God, this was Raiden’s worst nightmare. First he gets disrespected by a Little Mac but now he won’t even be able to redeem himself because of all the characters, Sam decided to pick Cloud.

“What’s wrong, novato? Not sure which fighter you want to see disrespected?” Sam teased.

“You may have been able to win against my Fox, but let’s see you deal with this!” Raiden felt full of energy or burning revenge (or maybe both) as he moved his marker over Shulk.

“Shulk, eh? Interesting choice. Just don’t disappoint me with nothing but backslashes, Jack.”

“Shulk against Cloud? Money match for title of best blonde anime swordsman.” Monsoon jested from behind them.

Raiden was ready. He wasn’t going to let them anger him and break his focus. The match started, and he chose Smashville. Final Destination would be too serious and make Raiden look like a joke, or worse, a Melee fan. Smashville was a good choice though, hopefully he could use the stage and Cloud’s awful recovery to his advantage.

3… 2… 1… GO!

Right away Sam began charging his Limit Break. Typical Cloud move. Raiden didn’t want to let him get any sort of advantage, so he charged him. A bold move, but something that can work great… As long as your opponent doesn’t shield through your dash attack and oh no, Raiden thought, things were already off to a bad start. Sam managed to grab Raiden right after shielding, and down throw him into a nair and then side smash. So soon into the match and Raiden already got combo’ed into a tight spot. Too much more damage on him and he’d be within Cloud’s kill range… Oh who is he kidding 0% is kill range for Cloud.

After a tough fight full of too many dash attacks and side smashes and that stupid sound of Cloud charging his limit break, Raiden was defeated. It was a normal defeat, with Raiden at least getting a stock off of Sam and getting him to 87% before tasting defeat once more. He was grateful for the lack of disrespects this match.

“You only beat me because Cloud is ridiculous and Sakurai should nerf him.” Raiden hissed.

“Now now, no need to get salty over this lose, Jack. Besides, not everyone can be this good.” Sam was doing his absolute best to hold back his laughter out of fear of Raiden fighting him in real life in the middle of their living room.

“Tres bien, Sam.” Mistral motioned for Raiden to move out of his seat, “But let’s see how you handle this!”

Sam’s smug expression quickly turned to dread as Mistral picked Zero Suit Samus. Of course. Cloud’s one weakness: Any and every character in the top 10. No way in hell was Sam about to let his victory be tainted by a quick defeat.

“Ah, well, actually, I think Sundowner or Monsoon should take this match.” 

“Gladly.” Monsoon stood, being the only one actually willing to face off against a Zero Suit Samus main. “Hey, Jack,” he rested a hand on Raiden’s shoulder, “after a match like that you must… really be feeling it, hm?”

“Make one more Shulk meme joke and I’m going to take your hand and shove it up your ass, or whatever mechanical disaster of an ass you have.” Raiden said, sweeping the enemy cyborg’s hand off of him.

“Are you ready or not, Monsoon?” Mistral grew impatient and tapped gently on her controller.

“Of course, of course.” He sat down and changed his fighter to Captain Falcon.

From behind them, Sam coughed and muttered under his breath “Bastardo maldito sádico…”  
The match was an interesting one, with Monsoon actually landing a few good knee hits and a spike on Mistral. But, alas, one person can only do so much once caught in the never ending cycle of grabs and up airs to up b’s from a Zero Suit. Raiden and Sam never saw eye to eye, but this was something they could both look at each other and shudder over.

“Good match, Mistral.” Monsoon smiled, despite losing. “You interested in playing too, Sundowner?”

“I have no interest in a 1v1 right now, but I’d more than gladly join in a fun game of 8-man Smash.”

The other four cyborgs cast smug looks to the side and to each other. A bunch of competitive Smash players in one room meant they all had their hopes up of fighting each other and having a sort of mini tournament going. But Sundowner was the definition of casual. I mean, he mains Bowser. No one has mained Bowser since Smash 4’s initial release until everyone realized Bowser had the combo potential of a wet paper bag. A wet paper bag with a suicide killing move. But they all agreed to an all-out match. Casual play could be pretty fun sometimes. It would be a lot more fun if I didn’t hate everyone in this room and only brought my Wii U here to seek revenge on these fuckers, Raiden thought.

Sundowner took the gamepad and the competitive fighters all grabbed their Gamecube controllers.

“Oh, hey, let me put my tag on.” Monsoon snickered as he changed his tag to ‘Mai Waifu’ and picked Luigi. The rest of the Winds of Destruction found this hilarious and proceeded to use their own stupid tags.

Mistral picked Bayonetta and the tag “Gayonetta”, Sundowner was convinced by Monsoon to make his tag “meme” and picked Bowser (as expected), and Sam being the child he is went with the tag “John Cena” and chose Corrin.

“Will you shitheads stop adding stupid tags on my Wii U?” Raiden huffed.

“C’mon, Jack, no need to be so serious while we have a little fun. Besides, who are you to judge us for our tags?” Sam bumped Raiden with his shoulder playfully, trying to get a rise out of him but instead causing Raiden to feel warm in the face as he chose the tag “Snake”.

“My tag isn’t ridiculous like yours.”

“No, what’s ridiculous is that you’re going to play Meta Knight.” Monsoon chimed in from the other side of the couch.

“He’s a perfectly tournament viable character, actually.” Mistral crossed her legs as she turned to face Monsoon. “Didn’t you see Abadango win against Komorikiri’s Cloud the other day?”

“Yeah, but he’s not the same as he was in Brawl.” Monsoon let out a disappointed sigh.

“Monsoon stop acting like Brawl was good. All you do is play Project M, but vanilla Brawl is bad.”

“Brawl is not bad, it’s just not perfectly polished like Smash 4 is.”

“Are we going to start or are we going to keep talking about Brawl until a Melee player kicks down the door to tell us why we’re all wrong?” Raiden scoffed. He couldn’t help but smile a bit when that managed to get a laugh out of everyone.

“Alright, alright. Let’s start.” Sam laughed. “Any stage preferences?”

“Palutena’s Temple.”

“Alright, stage preferences from anyone besides Monsoon?

“75 mm”

“Alright, stage preferences from anyone besides Monsoon and Mistral?”

“The Great Ca-“

“Raiden if you say Great Cave Offensive I will cut your Wii U in half right now.”

“Did it sound like I was about to say Great Cave Offensive? I meant to say Delfino Plaza.”

“Maravilhoso! Finally, we can begin.”

Raiden hated himself for having as much fun with these walking trash compactors as he did, but they ended up playing casual matches for the next two hours. If these robotic soup cans weren’t murderous warmongers, maybe Raiden could have been good friends with them… Ah, who was he kidding? These guys are dicks the only good thing about them is that Raiden can win at least 70% of matches against them so he can feel good about himself. 

Everyone, except Sam, left and Raiden began to pack up his Wii U. He was aware that Sam stayed behind and was watching him, but he ignored him until he spoke.

“Oi, pretty boy.” Raiden ignored him still, but Sam continued anyways. “I wouldn’t dare say this with the others in the room, but… Your Shulk is pretty good. Handled him well.”  
Raiden stopped messing with the cords and looked up at Sam. 

“Really? You’re… complimenting me?”

Sam smiled for a moment. Silently, he began to walk towards the exit but stopped just in the doorway and turned back around to face Raiden. “… Of course not, idiota! You were like a towel I completely wiped the floor with. Come back when you actually ‘git gud’” and with that he left Raiden alone to pack up his game angrily while swearing revenge. Maybe Raiden would learn to play Villager. Or Sheik. Hell, the Top 10 was his oyster and best chance at kicking Sam’s ass next time.


End file.
